Well, it's officially time. Time to rebuild after a pretty epic fall.
And I say "fall", not "fail".
Falls are okay. Totally okay. We all have to crash and burn every now and then. As long as we don't wallow for too long and let it get inside our heads; we don't want to linger in self doubt. That would be foolish.
The last few weeks have undoubtedly been the hardest I've ever faced. I've been known to be dramatic at times, but there is nothing exaggerated about that statement. My character has been tested, my abilities questioned, my personal credibility put on the line and even had people screaming in my face (I cannot deal with conflict!)
But guess what? I survived. I made it through and now on the other side, standing still, nothing keeping me up at night, conflict over - I find myself a little lost.
After two weeks of non stop stress, lack of sleep, endless bread, wine and coffee... suddenly I don't know how to just relax, eat properly and realize I don't need to be stressed anymore. It's okay Hannah... it's over. you can sleep now. You can make a smoothie again. You can read your book. You can find zen again!
But, it's just not that simple, is it? When you've felt stressed for a while and questioned how you'll get out of it, it's not a simple as waving a magic wand and feeling okay again. Stress lingers.... it lingers in your joints, in your shoulders, in your sleep patterns, in your relationships, even in your sense memory. I still hear the "ding" of my emails and get panicked it may be an email I don't want to see. A published review? A question? A complaint?
Now it's back to the life I love: blogging, acting, writing, coffee shops, but it's going to take some time to adjust back into that life. That life I specifically designed to be my idea of heaven.
Because life should be heavenly, right? We make it. We choose it. We design it. You design your life and I have designed mine to be full of what makes me happy and weeks like the last two to be rare occasions, not the norm.
So, how am I rebuilding? Time for one of my favorite kinds of blogs: A LIST! I love lists.
Rebuilding 101. Hannah style.
Diet Back on Track! Detox!
Yep - detox o'clock! The gorgeous (and freshly vegan!) Jasmine and I are contemplating a full-on raw food cleanse. But before I even go there, I'm going to spend the next week at the very least:
- Cutting out alcohol. Yep ZERO! My skin will thank me.
- Back to high percentage WHOLE FOODS. The last few weeks there has been far too much "convenience eating". I'm an enormous advocate of fruit and veg being some of the fastest and easiest foods, but confess this week there's been a lot of bread, coffees, curries and packaged things. I love all these things, but I know the difference when the MAJORITY of my diet is good, wholesome stuff. Back to whole :)
- Cook again! Back to cooking the majority of my meals. I love it, so back to it. Therapy for multiple reasons :)
Writing for Fun, not Work
I love writing... always have and never took it too seriously.
But then, writing became something I "had to do" and guess what? I stopped wanting to do it! Aren't our brains weird?
So, now I'm happily commitment-free, I plan on getting back into writing for pleasure. The stuff I love. The play ideas that are gathering dust, the short stories, the dream film scripts... all that jazz!
Put Love Back into my Home
When you aren't home much... it's hard to inject "love" into it.
Washing piles up, dishes pile up, the fridge gets a weird smell.... I hate being this person! I love my "sanctuary".... so now I can finally rebuild it!
I am home again, cooking again and the first things I want to do are: (this may become a whole separate blog post...)
- Buy some fresh flowers....
- Buy some candles and put them EVERYWHERE. Nothing says "zen" like candles....right?
- Organize my closet (i.e. pick everything off the floor)
- Fill my cupboards with food and staples....
- Find a way to change the furniture around.
- Have a "zen" corner.... do do yoga stuff, read.... just pile a heap of cushions into one corner, I reckon.
Refocus my Energy
The great things about falls, is realizing what you really DON'T want. I have a very clear idea now about how NOT to do things in the future, or at the very least, avoid repeating mistakes! Now, I have a blank canvas and can really focus on what I want and put all my energy into whatever I choose.
I wrote in my last post that I'd been overloading my plate, so I know first off, not to do that anymore! It's better do do a few things brilliantly than be involved in absolutely everything and a wreck ;)
Time to focus my energy on what I really want: Acting.
Yeah - you heard me. It's lame and it's wanky, but it's NECESSARY.
Complement yourself. Say happy mantras.... call yourself amazing. You can't rebuild and heal without a bit of Self Love.
Do it. I dare you.
Focus on the People who make you feel GREAT!
Yeah! That's right! And spend as much bloody time with them as possible! Even if they live far, far away :)
Who make you feel amazing? Like a superhero? Who do you love so much it hurts?
Fill your life with these people :)
Savor Every Second
Yep, I'm going there...
Life is short. It's really bloody short, so even when it's hard and not-so-fun, still try and savor every moment. We are so lucky.... never forget it.
Remember what makes you happy - hold on to it, don't question it and be kind to yourself.
Love and Sweet Potatoes!
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