I haven't written anything too personal for a while. There was a time when my blog was almost an online journal. I would post about my personal life when compelled, my problems if they seemed relevant and always got an overwhelmingly positive response. My personal posts would get such flattering comments and I did enjoy writing about things other than veganism occasionally (shock horror.)
But.... I don't do really this anymore.
My blog has become a bit disconnected, a bit lost along the way and I realised this morning, over my morning cup of mocha, it's because people in my real life are reading now. I'm no longer a stranger. My blog is no longer a secret place. It's open and exposed and I am too. Not every single person is reading every single post, obviously, but enough to make me aware. Enough to make me edit what I really want to be writing about. How silly is that? After four years of such lovely feedback and positive reenforcement from both strangers and friends, why should I suddenly start questioning what I want to write about? I am guilty of why would anyone want to read this shit? But thankfully, for what ever reason, people do.
So, what wanky, lame, pointless, personal things have I been dying to post but haven't yet? What have I been keeping from you that I definitely wouldn't have a few years ago?
Here we go.... Let's get personal.
I'm Making a Difference?
Getting to talk passionately about why you're vegan doesn't happen anywhere near as often as I would like. I know a few incredible vegans (four of my friends are (seriously!) and my amazing mother) so I get to share "vegan moments" or little rants more often than most, but sometimes it's talks with non-vegans I crave and they are so so rare.
You want to make a difference.... You want to inform people.... You want to talk about what you think matters. But, it's not really fun for the other party. They don't want to hear about how cows only produce milk when pregnant or how piglets tails are getting cut off at birth.
Vegans understand that. We do.
BUT - it's difficult feeling like you're not doing anything. Not stepping in. Not speaking up.
When I first became vegan I would rant and rave to anyone who would listen. God, it's a miracle I have any friends really. These days I'm far more mellow and only discuss animal rights or "vegan-related-matters" when I gauge people are actually open minded.
A few days ago at work was an amazing, rare morning where people wanted to listen. People were ready to drop their blinders and have an honest, raw conversation about how the world operates and maybe make a few changes. My manager dropped a bomb - she had no idea what marshmallows are made of. Whaaaaaat?! Don't worry, we relished telling her the horrible truth and her reaction was exactly what it should be. Shock. Horror. Denial. Her confession began a brilliant hour or so where myself and a few colleagues talked about what animals are used for, the practicalities of this, the greed of humans .... It was brilliant. I was the only "veggie" in the discussion, but it was so reasonable and open minded you could have thought we all were! I obviously led the whole thing and felt so happy with how accepting and interested everyone was. It gave me faith. Given the right circumstances and the right information, people can care. They may make change.
The next day, I got this amazing message...
How amazing is that? And how lucky am I?
Remember - you have no idea the impact you're making or the ways you may be influencing change. I had no idea the impact I was having on this person, but I was. It is a perfect example for me of what I've always believed: go around being the example of what you want to see in the world. If you are an example, you are living proof it's doable. And not just doable, easy! If you are happy, kind and good and positive, it will be contagious. Don't go around preaching veganism as something militant or elite or negative. It's not. It's eating good food, caring about animals and being informed.
Oh, and feeling great....
That's contagious, surely?
I have to mention also - my friend Stephie. She is an inspiration to me always, but even moreso at the moment - having just CONQUERED Veganuary! Not only is she a successful, brave, beautiful and talented woman, she is now taking the full plunge and staying vegan after enjoying January so much! I could burst I'm so happy for her. Please check our her beautiful space of the internet - Tea in Your Twenties and read about her journey.
I'm Not a Superhero... Though I Try.
Yar.... I'm a bloody busy bee.
I've given up waiting to become someone who isn't busy. Someone who is zen and peaceful and floats around the globe. I always wanted to be like that, as apposed to the ball of mad energy I seem to be. Eh - It's time to embrace. I'm a busy person, probably always will be and the sooner I just accept that and make it work for me, the sooner I can start thriving.
I've been quite obsessed with this "woman I want to be" concept recently. A bit obsessed with wanting to better myself and be a superhero who can work a full time job, have a relationship, keep all my friends, blog regularly, pursue my acting career, start a theatre company, take up voice classes, go to Yoga AND do all my washing.
It's not really possible without being a stress head. Or doing it all badly. Or murdering someone.
I need to be more realistic, strip everything back and decide what to spend my time on. This is nearly impossible because there is nothing I want to cut out. Obviously if my Acting WAS my full time job, there would be no issue. I'd be spending the 40 hours-or-so I spend making coffee doing what I love. But at the moment, I am making coffee for a living (sigh), so outside work, I'm doing everything else that matters to me. I'm trying to keep all these relationships, build new ones, make recipes, be active, pursue my career...... Oh and stop to enjoy it now and then? Yeah that.
It needs a re-jig. Because at the moment it's not working.
I'm pretty tired and pretty stressed, so I'll get back to you on this. I need to cleanse my life, but nothing is getting cut. There is nothing I WANT to cut, I only want to add.
But they haven't invented cloning yet, so I'll have to get cleansing instead.
I'll have to take
At the moment what is working well is keeping a positive mindset (duh). Remembering actively that everything I'm taking on and doing is a CHOICE. I choose to make my life this way and I could also choose to run away to a mountain and spend my life meditating. Remembering you are in control is a very empowering thought. For me anyway.
Projects, projects, projects!
This flies in the face of everything in the above paragraph, but I am so excited about the projects I have coming up! One is acting for a fantastic theatre company here, which will be an enjoyable and important investment of my time. The other is more long-term.....
I am coming back to what I ultimately know I need to be doing: making theatre .... Producing, production managing, writing, maybe even some directing in the future? I'm working with a friend to build something we care about, can be proud of and turn into a theatre company that will become our income. It's ambitious, but we are up to the task ;)
I'm... um .... in Love
Yep. Turns out it's possible. Turns out my years of being alone and thinking I may just never find anyone "right" were all building to something. What I wanted wasn't asking too much.... My dream partner wasn't a dream, he's real.
I won't say much, because this is beyond personal and he will certainly be reading, but I will just say - wow. I'm happy. I'm so, so happy and am experiencing a love I didn't know was possible.
I may write more about this one day, but for now, it's ours. Just ours.
My blog was always a personal place... A safe one... A place I shared thoughts that I wouldn't even vocalise to best friends, so it felt wrong to not at least mention this massive life change. My life has completely changed. It all looks different and only for the best.
I'm incredibly lucky, incredibly loved and pinching myself every day.
This was a result of my co-worker having way too much fun with the label maker.... I appreciated it.
Have a brilliant week everyone. Lots of posts swimming around my head to get working on..... One called "Children Eating Marshmallows". Beware - rant ahead.
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